Throughout the month, we’ve drawn lessons from Elinor Dashwood’s example of steady emotional regulation in Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility. We’ve observed how she skillfully uses empathy, understanding, and restraint to endure mistreatment and loss without sinking into despair.
Still, her silent endurance comes at a cost to her inner self because it doesn’t create joy. It merely insulates her pain, allowing her to maintain her dignity and connection with members of her community.
Rigid social expectations, for example, temporarily rob her of the joy of nurturing a relationship with Edward, an heir of the Ferrars fortune.
His elitist mother and sister want him to pursue a prominent career in politics. However, “Edward had no turn for great men…All his wishes centered in domestic comfort and the quiet of private life.”
Elinor’s steadiness aligns well with Edward’s quiet ambition, and their chemistry becomes apparent to the residents of Norland Estate. While Elinor’s mother sees a joyful future for the two, Edward’s mother feels he should “marry well” which excludes any woman of a lower class.
Since Mrs. Ferrars values net worth over emotional intelligence, her daughter, Fanny, sees no appeal in allowing Edward to pursue his connection with Elinor. She discourages the pairing by insinuating to Mrs. Dashwood that her daughter hopes to use her brother to elevate her own social status.
Consequently, Elinor’s mother decides she and her daughters can no longer tolerate such disrespect, so she rents a modest cottage in a distant town.
Uncertain of Edward’s feelings toward her, Elinor accepts the decision without protest. She leaves heartbroken under the assumption that Edward views her as nothing more than a friend. Edward, for his part, reveals nothing about the true depth of his attachment to her.
Outwardly, he seems unaffected by Elinor’s departure, but this isn’t to be confused with apathy. It’s actually silent compliance because Mrs. Ferrars would likely disinherit him if he went against her wishes. He finds his way back to Elinor only after he summons up the courage to free himself from the narrow conventions of the upper class.
He makes room for joy to enter his life by living on his own terms instead of looking to society to validate his decisions. Like Edward, we live in a world with rules and systems that often discourage us from pursuing careers or lifestyles in alignment with our inner sense of joy.
Capitalism pressures us to value salary over work-life balance, and the discourse around marriage and parenthood often portrays singleness as a dead end instead of an alternative route to an equally satisfying life.
This week we’ll explore how we can minimize the world’s noise to walk our own path to contentment with calmness and confidence.
Inspiration Without Comparison
Social media has undoubtedly revolutionized our ability to maintain connection with family and friends. It’s even allowed us to build global communities. We can exchange ideas with anyone in the world at any time of day.
With content creators and influencers supplying a steady stream of inspiration through photos, videos, podcasts, and posts, it’s never been easier to find new tips and resources for learning new skills or meeting personal goals.
Still, it’s important to distinguish between content that’s inspirational versus aspirational.
Posts that inspire us move us to enhance our life—not overhaul it. Aspirational content, on the other hand, often leaves us feeling inadequate.
We’ve been inundated with images of multi-million-dollar mansions and shapely bodies showing off the rewards of hustle culture. Parents have the added pressure of living up to picture perfect family content.
If you’re not waking up at 4 AM to work out or adhering to a strict diet, you’ll never have the perfect body.
If you’re not joining someone’s team to market products, you’ll always be broke.
If you’re not baking your family fresh bread every day, you’ll never be a good mother.
Before we pick our lives apart, we need to remember that people tend to curate their content with highlight moments.
Influencers and models rarely post about the medical procedures or substances they’ve used to attain their physiques. Multi-level marketing promoters don’t disclose that most people actually lose money from these enterprises. Family content often leaves out the chaos or hired assistance that took place in the production process.
Often, these lifestyles feel so out of reach because they’re carefully crafted and unrealistic in the context of the average person’s life.
How many of us have the energy to get out of bed at 4 AM for a grueling workout during a 40 (+) hour workweek paired with household responsibilities?
How many of us have money that we could afford to lose to risky investments?
How many of us have the time to cook from scratch, much less bake bread every day?
Please don’t mistake this as me saying we shouldn’t work on our health, finances, or family life. We just need to make sure our motivations stem from a growth-mindset—not comparison.
Losing weight and exercise can improve our quality of life, but we don’t need a bodybuilder or model physique to accept ourselves. Increased energy and better cardiovascular health provide more than enough incentive to eat nourishing foods and get moving.
Having more money can make it easier for us to provide for our families, but we don’t need to get rich quick. Learning to budget and getting out of debt offers a viable path to financial freedom.
Putting more effort into caring for our families can elevate joy for everyone in the home, but we don’t have to overextend ourselves. Eating dinner as a family without the distraction of devices provides simple opportunities for joyful conversations and deeper connection—even when meals aren’t made from scratch.
While quiet inspiration generates less clicks than showy aspirational content, it’s more effective in helping us grow without undermining our sense of contentment.
If you find yourself in a constant state of dissatisfaction with your life, you might benefit from auditing the content you take in on a regular basis. Do the accounts you follow or allow on your feed inspire you to take better care of yourself and others, or do they just make you feel bad about your life?
Perhaps you could make a goal of unfollowing or hiding one account that tempts you into comparison before doing anything else on social media for the day. This will shift your algorithm over time, and you may find that it’s easier to tune into the joy within your reach.
If this distinction feels relevant to you, I’ve designed this Inspiration or Aspiration printable to help you notice how the media you consume shapes your sense of contentment—and make small, intentional shifts that support joy instead of comparison.
Living Outside the Script
We don’t need social media to feel pressured into misaligned lifestyle choices. Some ideas have persisted well before the digital age and continue to influence societal expectations.
For example, Mrs. Ferrars’ insistence on Edward having a prestigious career mirrors modern society’s emphasis on college education over trade skills or entry-level jobs.
As a former middle school educator, I’ve seen firsthand the consequences of trying to funnel every child into universities—regardless of their interests or strengths. Some students like working with their hands, so they see little value in writing essays about classic literature or world events.
Yet, these students tend to be treated like problems to be solved instead of individuals who feel drawn to a different path. Administrators favor reteaching to improve test scores over opening up multiple pathways to career readiness.
Common discourse around education also ignores those who would prefer to work just enough to live a simple life. They don’t need a lot of money to pursue the things that bring them joy, so a job simply gives them what they need to live. It’s a means to an end—not a core part of their identity—so they may feel perfectly content being an “unskilled” worker.
College, trade school, and entry-level jobs all serve as viable routes to self-sufficiency. The right career path is the one that allows us to live in alignment with our values.
However, once a person does settle into a stable work environment it seems like they’re on the clock to start a family. The internet contains countless tales of online dating fiascos and thought pieces about the male loneliness epidemic.
What if people stopped running from singleness and started embracing it as an opportunity instead?
I say this as someone who has been married for twelve years, but this comes from a place of regret. Not regret for my marriage or children, but regret over having not spent my single years finding joy within myself and on my own terms.
If I had been content as a single person, I would’ve gone into marriage and parenthood with a clearer sense of self. I would’ve traveled more, gone to music festivals, and basked in the joy of being young with so many possibilities in front of me.
Some people find contentment in being surrounded by friends and family—even strangers in foreign lands—without the added responsibility of marriage and parenthood.
Others may eventually marry but decide not to have children for a number of valid reasons—lack of desire, economic concerns, and trauma to name a few.
When it comes to careers, relationships, and family planning, we all have to live with our decisions. The choices we make don’t need to be popular to make us happy.
I created a gentle reflection printable, Whose Expectations Am I Living By, to help you notice which societal scripts may be shaping your decisions—and whether they truly align with your values and sense of contentment.
A reminder to that it’s ok to break tradition:
Protecting Joy in a Noisy World
Even when we succeed in building a joyful life, we still have to maintain it by staying focused on the good in life—instead of getting drawn into the negativity of the news cycle.
Studies indicate that people tend to engage more with negative news stories than positive ones. This incentivizes media outlets to churn out rage-inducing or worrisome headlines 24/7.
Non-stop exposure to shocking events can lead to secondary trauma and anxiety—even when we ourselves have not been directly impacted.
For example, I struggle with anxiety when in public spaces because I’ve seen too many reports of mass shootings, and I worry that I could become another statistic. This makes it harder to fully enjoy movies or meals at restaurants. I just want to stay at home most of the time.
Still, I can’t allow fear to stop me from enjoying outings with friends and family since isolating at home creates its own set of problems.
Lately, I’ve been limiting my news consumption to the daily news digest that’s emailed to me every morning. It offers brief summaries of major national and international events that I usually read in 5-10 minutes. I get enough information to stay informed without an added layer of sensationalism.
Minimizing my exposure to the news has helped me get into a more positive headspace. I find that I have more patience and connect better with people I meet out in public. I’ve even taken my kids to see a couple of movies with friends without scanning the theater constantly for signs of danger.
True, risks can’t be completely eliminated, but excessive worry just interferes with our ability to immerse ourselves in joyful moments. We don’t have to shut out the world completely. We just need to be mindful of our news consumption.
We can also build a habit of seeking out positive news stories from sources like Good News Network—especially after a rough day in the mainstream news cycle.
If we turn up the good news while dialing down the bad, we may find that it becomes easier to tune into joy over time.
This gentle journaling printable, 7-Day Journal: Mindful News Consumption, can help you stay informed while protecting your emotional well-being—and intentionally notice good news alongside the hard.
Next Steps for Your Self-Discovery Journey
If you’re ready to explore what joy looks like in your life right now, start with this Joy Readiness Toolkit. I designed it to help you understand how you experience joy, regulate your emotions, and stay aligned with your values in daily life.
Meaningful Actions to Try:
- Evaluate how your media exposure influences your sense of satisfaction. This reflective worksheet Inspiration or Aspiration can help you make small, intentional shifts that support joy instead of comparison.
- Think about which societal expectations may be influencing your decisions. Use this Whose Expectations Am I Living By printable to explore whether they truly align with your values and sense of contentment.
- Protect your well-being while consuming news-related content. This worksheet 7-Day Journal: Mindful News Consumption can help you examine how the news may be impacting your emotional state and build a new habit of intentionally noticing good news alongside the hard.
Reading Recommendations
- Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen (This novel is in the public domain. I’m linking to a free, legal copy through Project Gutenberg so anyone can read along without barriers. You’re welcome to use any edition or format that works best for you.)
- 1440-This free daily news digest summarizes the most impactful news stories of the day in an email that can be read in 5-10 minutes. They do contain external links to media outlets known for specific biases. However, the staff tries to balance the volume across the political spectrum. The emails are written as objectively as possible—no news source is 100% free of bias though.
- Good News Network (non-referral)-This website curates positive news stories to counteract the onslaught of negative news stories in mainstream media. If you subscribe (it’s free) using this link, you can help me earn free swag from Good News Network.
Returning to Joy
This month’s theme has taught us that being joyful doesn’t mean being happy all the time. It means knowing how to find your way back to a state of calm and contentment in a chaotic and demanding world. It also means building a life in alignment with our personal values—not societal expectations.
Once we find joy, though, we need to nurture it. We can protect our joy from unhealthy comparison and constant negativity by curating our media consumption with intention. Minimizing our exposure to media that stirs up feelings of self-doubt or hopelessness leaves space for joyful content that inspires us instead.
Thank you for reading! Your presence in this space means so much to me and motivates me to continue healing through daily brain work.
I would love to know how you’re creating joy and maintaining it in your life. Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments.
Stay tuned for next month’s theme: peace. We’ll explore how we can work with our nervous system to find inner calm despite challenges. If you’d like to be notified when the next post goes live, you can subscribe using the form below.
Keep it kind, respectful, and focused on self-love and growth—let’s make this a safe, uplifting space. 🌿