Imagine being raised in a middle-class family. You live a humble life, but one day a wealthy relative invites you to live with him on his multibillion-dollar property. His generosity elevates your life to one of comfort, wealth, and access to an elite social circle.
Tragically, though, your benefactor dies ten years later, leaving his inheritance to your father.
The terms of the will stipulate that the estate may only be transferred to your selfish half-brother. Your father intends to live modestly to save up enough money for your inheritance, but he dies before he has the chance.
Your luxurious home now belongs to someone else. You can stay—as long as you can stand living with your narcissistic sister-in-law.
Predictably, tensions run high. Now you, your mother, and your sisters have to make it on $40,000 a year in a smaller cottage. Your life of luxury has turned into a life of struggle.
Such is the tale of Elinor and Marianne Dashwood, two sisters depicted in Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility.
Though they share the same hardships, they vastly differ in how they approach them.
Elinor feels things deeply, but she knows how to regulate her emotions. In contrast, Austen depicts Marianne as “sensible and clever; but eager in everything, her sorrows, her joys, could have no moderation.”
Marianne’s happiness heavily depends on her circumstances. As long as things go her way, she views the world idealistically and treats people considerately. Yet, the moment she suffers heartbreak, she becomes intolerable and neglects herself to the point of illness.
Elinor processes heartbreak internally. She accepts the things that simply cannot be and makes the best of her current circumstances. She also observes with the intention of understanding. Understanding allows her to act in harmony with her values and maintain a positive attitude even in difficult situations.
It is joy that keeps Elinor from falling apart in the face of challenges, and it’s a quality that’s available to anyone willing to work for it.
Joy: The Thread, the Work, the Lifeline
Before diving into the research for this post, I used the terms “joy” and “happiness” interchangeably without really understanding the nuances between the two.
Though similar in nature, these concepts differ in depth and longevity.
Happiness creates dopamine spikes that disappear when a pleasurable experience ends. Joy helps us emotionally regulate over time and increases as a person connects with others, aligns with their personal values, and finds a meaningful purpose in life.
While happiness depends on current circumstances, true joy endures even in moments of difficulty.
To illustrate, baking brings me joy because it’s one of my talents and my family and friends enjoy my desserts—that’s what they tell me anyway.
I love biting into a slice of homemade pound cake. Admittedly, I also enjoy receiving praise for my skills.
These moments make me happy, but some steps in the process have the opposite effect.
I don’t love the pile of dishes I have to wash afterward, and I especially hate scrubbing the crevices of my bundt pan.
If I fixated solely on this aspect of baking, I’d never do it outside of necessity.
However, I choose to focus on all the positives. It appeals to my sense of taste and smell, makes my loved ones happy, and gives me a sense of accomplishment—joy.
It’s a mindset, not a moment.
This month I’ll explore ways to foster joy within ourselves, so we can live it outward with our children, the people in our social circle, and even the strangers we cross paths with in our daily lives.
The Mind–Body ROI of Joy
Joy benefits us mentally and physically. For example:
It motivates us to take better care of ourselves. If you’ve been screened for depression, you’ve undoubtedly responded to this prompt: Over the last two weeks, how often have you had little interest or pleasure in doing things?
In other words—have you lost your joy?
If you’ve ever dealt with severe depression like I have, then you know how easy it can be to fall into patterns of self-neglect.
You hardly have the energy to get out of bed—much less get dressed, make proper meals, or go outside. It all seems pointless when you’ve lost your spark.
Joy, on the other hand, makes us eager to get out of bed and experience all that life has to offer.
We get dolled up to meet people because we know that a depression bun doesn’t leave the best impression. We take our doctor’s advice to eat a little better or go on walks because we want more time to enjoy the gift of life.
It helps your body fight diseases. Research suggests that people who experience more positive emotions tend to have stronger immune responses than those with a more negative outlook.
It may lower cortisol levels. Cortisol serves a purpose, but too much of it can weaken your immune system or spike your blood pressure. Some studies have shown a correlation between positive emotions and lower cortisol levels.
It builds resilience. A body of research supports the idea that positive emotions help people tolerate pain more effectively.
It may help you live longer. A longitudinal study published in 2011 indicated a correlation between positivity over time and improved mortality in people over the age of 50.
If you find yourself worrying that years of negativity may have shaved a few years off your life, take a deep breath. You have the ability to change your outlook by consistently looking for and creating moments of joy in your life.
Read more about the health benefits of joy in these articles medically reviewed and written by mental health professionals:
The Effects of Joy on Your Body
How can you find joy (or at least peace) during difficult times? – Harvard Health
Joy as a Skill: How to Practice It
You don’t have to wait around for joy to find you. Here are some ways to build it into your routine:
- Engage your senses.
According to Dr. Kiki Fehling and Dr. Elliot Weiner, authors of the Self-Directed DBT Skills workbook, “many people miss out on enjoying activities that have the potential to be pleasant because their minds are distracted by other things.”
Admittedly, I recently found myself tapping away at my laptop, pausing occasionally to take in a spoonful of ice cream.
I had waited until the kids went to bed to break out the pint stashed in the back of the freezer, yet the experience ended up feeling pretty anticlimactic.
I can’t blame Ben or Jerry for that. I chose to divide my attention instead of savoring every last bite of that overpriced gas station pint.
When we go through life without engaging our senses one-mindfully, we lose sight of joyful aspects of the human experience in favor of the numerous problems that demand our attention.
At that point, life starts to feel less like a gift and more like a burden to bear.
Make time every day to pause and engage your senses without distraction. Look up at the nighttime sky. Listen to the cheerful bird songs outside your window. Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. These moments reconnect you with the beauty of the human experience.
This song will remind you to do just that:
- Set meaningful and achievable goals.
Many people live with a fixed mindset. They resent their life circumstances but feel powerless to change anything. This often causes them to become bitter instead of better.
Setting achievable goals helps us maintain a measure of control over our lives. We view problems as opportunities for learning rather than dead ends. We wake up excited for a new day to take one more step toward our goal.
Before starting Recrafted Self, I found myself stuck in a rut. I needed mental stimulation but looked for it in the news cycle. I found so much to analyze, but all of the world’s ugliness left me feeling angry and cynical.
I couldn’t change the world, but I could find ways to improve myself.
First, I needed to shift my focus to something more productive.
Instead of reading the news, I decided to read and analyze classic literature.
I assigned myself a four-week literary analysis project about Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. I ended up completing it in about two weeks, and it reignited my passion for writing.
I set a goal to have a blog up and running by the first of December. With hard work and dedication, I made it happen in the span of three weeks.
Even better—I finally broke the doomscrolling habit that had me in a chokehold for nearly three months.
Setting and achieving these goals renewed my sense of control over my life. I feel calmer and more energized because I’ve proven to myself that I can achieve great things when I set my mind to it.
Think about an aspect of your life that you have a measure of control over and set an actionable goal to work on it. Note your emotional state before setting the goal and check in with yourself as you make progress.
- Shake up your routine.
Monotony makes it way too easy to disconnect from the present and shift into autopilot.
When we live life within a fixed script, it allows our mind to run anxious thoughts in the background 24/7. We risk getting lost in anxiety and becoming blind to the good things in life.
Switching up our routine forces us to re-engage with the present because we have to use more brainpower to adapt. We no longer have the bandwidth to agonize over problems that don’t matter in the present moment.
For example, last spring I found myself hyperfixated on a personal problem.
If I wasn’t talking to someone about it, I was arguing nonstop in my head about whether I’d judged the situation correctly.
My friend would gently remind me to use mindfulness strategies to break the cycle, but I really struggled with this advice because the situation felt so life-altering.
However, I discovered a new hair-washing routine on YouTube a few weeks later. This seems like a simple task that shouldn’t involve a lot of thought. When you have curly hair, though, wash day can make or break your entire week.
This new method introduced five new steps and rearranged the order of certain things. I had to think so hard about when to apply each product that I couldn’t help but get immersed in the process.
For the first time, I really tuned into the gentle tingle of the rosemary shampoo on my scalp and the lovely fragrance of my conditioner.
I emerged from the shower feeling refreshed from the inside out. I had emptied my mind of negative thoughts and allowed myself to fully experience pleasurable sensations. The new routine had tricked me into practicing mindfulness without realizing it.
Choose an activity that you do on autopilot, and think of ways you could switch up the experience. You could add new steps or introduce new sensory elements. Anything works as long as it forces you to re-engage with the process.
Joy Takes Practice—Not Perfection
Truthfully, this month’s theme may be challenging for us all.
We live in an economic and socio-political landscape that feels more uncertain than ever. That’s why it’s important to clarify the goal for this month.
We aren’t aiming for one hundred percent happiness every hour of every day. Our goal centers on building new habits to help us create our own joy or reframe negative thinking.
A day or even a week of negative emotions doesn’t mean failure. These moments simply present opportunities to experiment with different strategies.
Your joy toolbox doesn’t have to resemble someone else’s. You might end up with only one strategy or with one you create entirely. Success means you’re using something to create and maintain joy instead of spiraling into negativity.
To keep track of your progress, check in with yourself daily.
If you’re building your own joy toolbox, the Emotional Regulation Toolkit was designed to be something you can return to at your own pace — without pressure or perfection.
It helps to choose a specific time of day for guided reflection.
As I explained in last month’s self-love post, I started my own brain work routine by waking up earlier to take advantage of the peace and quiet. It sets the tone for the day and keeps my goals fresh in mind. Choose a time of day when you’re less likely to be distracted or too tired.
Be careful not to let perfectionism rob you of joy. If you miss a day of checking in or using a strategy, forgive yourself and start fresh.
Next Steps for Your Self-Discovery Journey
If you’re ready to explore what joy looks like in your life right now, download this free Joy Readiness Toolkit printable. I designed it to help you get a baseline on how you experience joy, regulate your emotions, and stay aligned with your values in daily life.
Meaningful Actions to Try:
- Pause and use your five senses mindfully throughout the day. The Daily Mindful Moments printable included in this Emotional Regulation Toolkit will help you keep track of your sensory experiences and their influence on your mood.
- Choose an area of your life that needs the most nurturing, and set an actionable goal to work on during the week. Note how taking small steps toward improvement affects your mood. You can use the Gentle Goal Builder printable also included in the Emotional Regulation Toolkit to plan your steps and track your progress.
- Identify the parts of your routine that you complete on autopilot, and brainstorm ways to change it up. The Autopilot Awareness Reset printable also included in the Emotional Regulation Toolkit will walk you through the process.
Book Recommendations:
- Self-Directed Skills DBT Workbook by KiKi Fehling, PhD, and Elliot Weiner, PhD—This 12-week workbook expands on the same emotional regulation skills discussed in this post. The authors explain the science behind each concept and offer practical exercises to help you apply the skills throughout the week.
- The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath—This book explores the elements of memorable moments—many of which contribute to a deeper experience of joy—using research studies and stories from businesses, organizations, and everyday people.
- Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen (This novel is in the public domain. I’m linking to a free, legal copy through Project Gutenberg so anyone can read along without barriers. You’re welcome to use any edition or format that works best for you.)
Side note: I’ve linked my favorite pound cake recipe if you want to try it yourself. I substitute both the lemon and coconut extracts with ½ teaspoon of almond extract. Trying out a new recipe can be a great way to shake up your routine while incorporating a multisensory experience into your day.
Additional Inspiration:
A Joyful Month Ahead
Joy keeps us steady in this unpredictable world.
While happiness depends on momentary circumstances, joy endures in good times and in bad. Cultivating it keeps us strong mentally and, as research suggests, even physically.
Still, maintaining joy requires consistent effort on our part. We need to practice mindfulness to remain aware of the beauty all around us. This doesn’t mean we have to be happy every moment of every day. It simply means using tools and strategies to ground us when we get lost in negative thought patterns.
Let’s use this month to remind ourselves that life is a gift, not a burden.
Look for moments of joy in your daily life, and pass it along to others.
I look forward to hearing about how joy shows up in your life. If this post resonated with you, share it with anyone who could use a little more joy right now, and subscribe to receive an email notification when my next post goes live.
Coming Up:
Cultivating Joy in an Unsteady World (01/08/2026)
Holding Onto Joy: Parenting With Gratitude, Integrity, and Resilience (01/15/2026)
Returning to Joy: Finding Calm, Contentment, and Alignment in a Demanding World (01/29/2026)
Keep it kind, respectful, and focused on self-love and growth—let’s make this a safe, uplifting space. 🌿